Tonight is Nov. 13, 2006, 11:31 pm.

Currently working on a documentation, I thought of taking a pause and write this input.

If my calculation is correct, I have roughly 5 1/2 days to go and finally I'll be home - again. This is my most suspenseful week ever. Can't wait.

First of all, this blog, has helped me a lot going through some very not-so-happy moments of my life - helped me to cope up and picked up the pieces of broken me. I only know 5 beings who know me best all these years (in no particular order) - Dah, Anne, Sharon, siempre ung asawa kong kumag and this blog.

I've always kept the soft side of me from my parents. They've always known me as "wala lang". They never knew what's inside my heart towards them. That I am truly sorry for failing them. For not having fulfilled what I've promised to them. That in my heart, they are the best parents one could ever have.

To my brother, who I never had the chance or I did not intend at all to tell him that how I wanted to feel that I needed him to protect me. That no matter what he has done to our family, I care for him and that how I'd wish I can do something for him to forget his past and to lessen all the hurting w/c is holding him back all these time from genuinely showing what he feels towards the people around him.

To Ate Susan and Kuya Lucer, that whatever they are going through right now is as much pain it is to me. I have tried all these years, to give back all the favors they've done to me. I just want them to know that they are as important to me as my parents are.

To *D*A*C*S*, thanks for always believing in me - to the things that I can do. For pushing me and for lifting my spirit always when I am down. Sorry if most part of my life, my choice and direction is a failure.

Sa mga pamankin ko, if only I can, I would take care of you all. I want to be the best Tita. And everytime that I see you smile and happy, I am much happier. I want to see you all to be the best person that you can be.

To my kumag na asawa, thanks for being you. In a lot of times, your ways of how making life simple and its battle surprise me. Thanks for always bringing me smile and showing me how wonderful life can be despite the lack of material rewards. For letting me feel that an unexpected hug, a kiss on the forehead, a resounding laughter, a healthy dinner or lunch, doing chores together is more heart-warming than anything else in this world.

Sa mga anak ko, thanks for letting me feel joy just by looking at you smile. For giving me the reasons why I wake up each day and reason why I want to live more days. Mahal na mahal kayo ni Mama. There is no single time that I forget about you. And I am very sorry, for not being the best Mama that you kids deserve. For not giving you the family and life you might have wanted.

Sa Kanya, I am sorry. For being a failure. For not passing some of the tests He has given me. For being weak. And thank you for giving all the people that I love and care about. I don't know your plans yet. A lot of things can happen if You want. But if ever just fate play tricks on me, please let all these people know what I feel for them. And that if only I knew what would happen, I would choose to be with them on my last day.

I just wish I will not post this input ever.

But just in case.